As if by magic, Ketut pulls two icy Bintangs from a bucket and presents a couple of sun-bleached plastic chairs. The verbal assault continues but we walk on staunchly until finally we give in to a man who introduces himself as Ketut. ‘No, thanks,’ I reply, giving Mr Smith a meaningful look. ‘What?’ I stop dead in my tracks and turn to look at Mr Smith: ‘Did you hear that?’ His half smile of consideration tells me he did, and clearly. ‘Hey mister, you wanna buy some Raybans? Mrs, can I braid your hair? Massage? Mushrooms that will fly you to the moon?’ A briefcase full of sunglasses, offensive bumper stickers and a bizarre collection of hats are all coolly deflected with a shake of the head. Our feet have barely touched sand when we’re accosted by a string of barefooted hawkers all desperate to hock their wares London geezer-style. Three fake Rolexes and a Gucci handbag later, we decide to head to the beach for retail respite. The ‘turn and walk’, as we dub my move, is quickly incorporated into a formidable double act on Seminyak’s shopping strip. Soon they’re chasing me down the street and dramatically dropping their ‘best price’, by which point I’m too embarrassed not to buy. Somewhat mercifully, the shopkeepers mistake my reluctance to haggle for that well-practised bargaining technique of feigning disinterest. If the first price ain’t right, I quickly head for the door. I, on the other hand, have no such talent. In no time we discover Mr Smith has natural bargaining skills and he’s negotiating deals that would make a used-car salesman blush. Handcrafted jewellery, handbags, elegant footwear and high-end fashion labels are interspersed with street stalls selling everything from knock-off designer sunglasses and novelty lighters to Bintang singlets, the uniform of bogan Aussie tourists. There’s no doubt about it, Seminyak is a danger to most credit limits. He accepts an offer of a cinnamon swirl as we head towards the door. My favourite welcome gift, however, is a jar of freshly baked shortbreads, chocolate-chip cookies, sesame crisps and cinnamon swirls.Īs my hand delves into the cookie jar for the fourth – OK, maybe the fifth – time, I remind Mr Smith that we need to keep our energy levels elevated for an afternoon of shopping. Here, a shelf near the enormous tub is lined with luxurious handmade soaps, bath soaks and scrubs produced in the Amala’s spa and scented with wild herbs, citrus and ginger. The pool deck seamlessly flows into the living room on one side and an outdoor bathing area on another. Surrounded by tranquil ponds and stands of bamboo, its ambience instantly stills the frenzied beating of my store-loving heart.Ī full-blooming frangipani perfumes the air of our Spa Villa, which has, as its centrepiece, a courtyard plunge pool with Jacuzzi jets. Enter the Amala, tucked a few lanes back from the area’s premier fashion strip. As much as Mr Smith and I love the decadence that comes wrapped in layers of tropical sultriness, we also thrive on peace and calm. Also, the hotel is 30 mins north of ubud which is a compromise for the unique nature of this property.Busy, buzzy and boasting chichi shops, world-class restaurants and funky Euro-style bars – that’s Seminyak, Bali’s capital of cool. Also has no gym onsite but has a free shuttle bus to an external gym which felt like too much hassle. Now for the bad, the dinner menu is a bit limiting if you stay here more than 2 or 3 nights and dine in but I think this really is a 2 or 3 night hotel with my recommendation of 2. The staff are clearly well trained and probably some of the best I have seen in Bali. The service is very good and accommodating. Remember you are in the jungle, so you will share your stay with monkey’s, mosquitoes and insects but we had no real problems with them. Imperfectly perfect room kind of vibe which is nice. If you are looking for a modern hotel, this place isn’t for you but I found its charm a welcome change. The rooms are authentic ubud/Indonesian style. The jungle cable lift is unique Instagram kind of experience. The panoramic rooms have amazing jungle views and seeing clouds form in front of your eyes whilst in bed will remain with me for a lifetime. This is a very unique boutique property and has a charm if your happy to go outside your normal 5 star comfort zone.
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